I’m a gay woman, however, the majority of my romantic life I spent as a “straight” woman, which is a story for another post. Having various relationships and observing the ones around me has made me somewhat of an expert amongst my friends. Each relationship different from the previous, I’ve lived and dealt with many different personality types, and the truth is I have learned a lot from relationships and life over the years. As I approach my forties, I now enjoy a happy marriage with a great partner and I’d like to offer a few tips on how you can enjoy a much happier and harmonious relationship.
- Pick Your Battles~ don’t waste time and energy arguing over tedious or, insignificant things. Ladies: Stop getting mad at your men for leaving the seat up. Since the dawn of time, men have left the seat up, or if they miss the hamper or leave some crumbs on the counter, just let it go. This is NOT a personal offense against you. Think about the energy wasted being mad over something that takes a few seconds to rectify. Men, be more patient, you like a beautiful woman? Know- this takes time. Women, do not roll out of bed looking beautiful. It’s tweezing, curling/straightening; make up, and clothes. It’s exhausting. So marvel at how beautiful she is, it will get you MUCH farther in the end and she’ll feel special and appreciated. There is no doubt; plenty of wonderful things your partner does for you so why focus on little nothings?
- Don’t commit yourself to a relationship yet~ this happens a lot. People break up and quickly look for a relationship to satisfy their loneliness or quickly replace what they just lost. If you don’t know who you are or what you really want out of a relationship then how can someone ever truly meet your needs? You need to be able to sit back and examine your past relationships and your behavior. Don’t involve another person in this process; you will just end up hurting some poor soul. STAY AWAY from relationships if you you’re under some much needed maintenance.
- Check your insecurities at the door~ There’s no quicker way to drive someone away than to constantly need ego brushing. Boring. Keep in mind, beginning a new relationship can be much like a job interview, you want to present your best self as you are potentially “selling” yourself to everyone you meet when you’re single and if your presenting yourself as a hot mess, then, you may be waiting a while. If you’re in a relationship and you’re still second guessing yourself, and solely rely upon your partner for a means of reassurance, this too, will become tiresome. Learn to be yourself, grow and be willing to adapt to change and most importantly, be strong. Your loved one has chosen you, so try to see yourself through eyes rather than constantly clinging for approval.
- Always speak respectfully~ If you wouldn’t like to hear someone else speak to your other that way than you certainly NEVER should. If you are cursing and screaming and running each other down, that is terrible and I’m sorry to hear that. I respect my wife immensely and the idea of treating her like that is crazy to me. If you’re in a rage, then take some time to cool off. You can’t take back hurtful words or actions.
- Never go to bed angry~ This is another one I practice with my wife. There is nothing worse than a fight, and then an entire’s nights sleep lost and terrible day to follow while you fester and commiserate. Just work it out before bed. Unless it’s something incredibly big, there’s usually no misunderstanding that can’t be cleared up with a little talking time. Just do it and get it over with, you’ll both sleep better and maybe be able to make up a little before you go to sleep. *wink
I’ve seen a lot of people make the same mistakes over and over again and I do believe it was Einstein who stated: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So if you need a little more love and affection try a couple of these tonight and see where it takes you.
Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,
(Images courtesy of FreePik.com)