I was recently engaging in a pity party of one as per usual over how much pain I was in, if it would ever stop and what kinds of things I had to look forward too. None of which were all too positive. Naturally, when I start going down that path it never ends up anywhere good. It would usually mean me curling up in my Jim jams with a bottle of peanut butter and a whole lot of shame, but since my recent allergy to peanut butter my whole world’s been literally thrown off balance and I am now forced to deal with my real pain. Before, I’d just eat it away but now due to the fact that I’m allergic to almost everything under the sun now and no longer welcome the day after “Eye eczema” that comes from an all night peanut binge is simply not worth it to me anymore. I’ve been forced to make some decisions to get my health in order. By health I mean my ME/CFS (fibromyalgia is the blanket term). I have gone gluten, wheat, dairy, free limiting refined sugars, caffeine and alcohol. Okay, I’ll admit I have a tough time with that one as I do love my wine.
The winter was really hard this year (as it is every year but it seeks to be getting gradually worse) with the wind and snow and cold. Constantly slushy slippery streets going outside an adventure that I don’t have the energy to muster to endure these days so I’m often in doors stepping out on to my big deck occasionally for air, taking my 2 little dogs with me, who, for the record also do not like the cold and seem perfectly happy just snuggling up with a blanket with me while I read or nap. As I live in Canada in the north east, our winters are roughly half the year so it makes it notably more challenging as it takes such a hard toll on your body. Winters seem to last forever as you wait for that precious sunshine and warmth to literally open up your body again like a rose that’s too new to blossom. Since Daylight Savings kicked in it is brighter earlier now and this fills me with so much hope that the winter will soon be officially over leaving me and my fellow Fibro sufferers able to wander the streets and stretch our legs and become part of society once again. In a way, we’re like those really ugly caterpillars, like the larvae of the red-spotted purple, Limenitis arthemis, which is not uncommon in many types of North American woodlands and is distinguishable by its appearance which is that of a clump of bird poop. It’s ugly, it’s unappealing and it works very effectively as a defense mechanism, birds and other small vermin do not wish to attempt to eat it, go near it or engage it what so ever, I mean, it looks
like shit. It certainly doesn’t give off any friendly vibes either, however, in a single gestation it turns in to one of the showiest butterflies in North America, the Red spotted purple butterfly. I realize there many analogies of people turning in to butterflies, but in a CFS sufferer’s world, it’s true. Having an illness that literally makes you cranky and tired all the time changes you and affects all those around you. It can be like a cancer and can really try relationships, but it’s like when the spring comes, our wings spread with ease as we stretch fully limb to limb for the first time in months, feeling rested, more like what we remember ourselves to be. For another year, that ugly caterpillar is gone, and we are free to fly.
Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,
Jim McCormack BlogSpot: http://jimmccormac.blogspot.ca/2012/04/ugly-caterpillar-beautiful-butterfly.html