January Ramblings by a Mad Woman

Image

Winter 2014, Halifax Nova Scotia

Well, it’s still winter I am annoyed to say.  I have spent most of my winter hibernating in my condo hidden deep beneath blankets and quilts reading books, praying feebly for spring and for more Doctor Who.  I’ve spent most of the winter in a major Fibromyalgia flare up* and to add salt to that injury, I’ve also been dealing with some inner ear crap that leaves me stumbling around like the oblivious drunk girl at the party.  At one point I found myself scuttling- yes actually scuttling- on my belly and hands to make it to the washroom like I was in some kind of fucked up vertigo- puke Olympics, of which I took silver (The Russians always win these events) .  I usually don’t like to publish my writing during these times as it can come out pretty dark, hopeless and just generally Sylvia Plath-ish.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of Plath but my goal with this blog is to give someone just a little read and possibly a chuckle for the day.  It’s easy to be negative and spread your misery and pain around like too much butter on an under toasted bagel leaving drops of grease behind as you devour it without thought.  That’s what negativity does doesn’t it?  It leaves an uncomfortable residue on a person’s outlook for the day.  So even though I may feel terrible right now, I’ve been away too long and just wanted to pop by for a chat to keep you up to date.

            So, babies…  Everyone’s having ‘em.  I too, have felt the desire to have children.  Now, I’m an older broad- almost forty and was told I probably couldn’t have children, but I still think about it sometimes.  I picture my dried up old bitter eggs sitting around in there, playing Bingo, smoking cigarettes and coughing, I see another egg, beating the shit out of a printer – just really going mad- and swearing up a storm.  There are a couple of dead ones in the back just covered in dust bunnies- probably dog hair.  The last couple of eggs are hanging out by the exits just generally complaining.  Lazy bitches.  No, in all seriousness, my wife (I am gay, she is gay, we are gay together) would be the one to carry but then we’d have to get a donor and all that weirdness.  I also worry my illness could prevent me from being a good mom.  I get tired a lot and if any of you lovely readers out there have fibromyalgia AND children maybe share a little blurb in the comments on how you deal with that.  The idea is nice though isn’t it?  Raising a happy little child, doing fun things, teaching it swear words when Mommy’s out… ; changing diapers, never sleeping, getting vomited on.. Like actually thrown up on- or what if you get an asshole child?  I mean, just an out and out little shit.  What if this kid has special needs?  I’m not sure I have it in me for that. Nothing is firm yet in our plans, at this point, it’s all just discussion but, we talk about it.

            Next thing we’ve discussed is buying a house.  It won’t be anything big or fancy but it would be ours and we wouldn’t have to listen to neighbors screaming at each other at 3 am about crack and what not, I have heard ENOUGH of other people’s business for the last 20 years.   Owning our own space would be great, but then it opens up a whole new set of headaches.  Maybe it’s just me and my fear of change; I literally get mad if my wife moves a picture on a wall to another location.  I’m a staunch routine person.  I have the same routines every single day and if something gets thrown off I just, don’t feel right.  This change would probably be welcome though if not just for the peace and being able to paint the damn walls.  It would also be great to have a yard where I am not directly facing the neighbors as they perch on their decks (the buildings are very close together).

Weight Loss- it’s a new year and spending the winter lying down has not been kind to my ass.  I now find myself facing a change in my diet and adding some more exercise to my daily routine- great- more changes.  I have done it before and was, not so long ago, in great shape, but you age, you get sick, you’re off work reading books all day because it’s too cold to be outdoors, some cookies inevitably get wound up in the mix and the next thing you know, you’re stopping by your friends’ houses, the grocery store and Christmas dinner in pajama pants. It happens to the best of us.  Over the last several months my wardrobe has been slowly replaced by fleece pants, pajamas and various sweats and yoga pants which in itself is a problem because the elastic waist makes it difficult to gauge that you’ve ‘chubbed’ up over the holidays.  You won’t know until you put on your favorite pair of jeans only to feel like a tightly encased sausage in a most unflattering light (let’s face it- sausages are delicious, and that’s what brought me here).  I have begun a series of cardio routines that left me out of breath and panting like a dog on a hot day under the sun after only 7 minutes.  I have since worked my way up to nearly 20 without having to have a sit down and have a cup of tea and a biscuit. In addition to that I have started up my old Pilates routine, since which I have pulled my shoulder and hurt my neck which brings me back to the reading and the cookies.  Good Lord, does it ever get easy and to a point where we are just happy with our bodies? And that, appreciated readers, sounds like a different topic for a different day.   I guess learning to roll with the changes and pushing yourself beyond just a little bit (although don’t push too hard, you’ll shit your pants) is all part of life and growing up.  Sure, I may be a little immature, my coffee mug is in the shape of a TARDIS for God’s sake but I’m hoping with time I will get there… I really hope there’s a prize at the end though.

 

Image

Winter in Halifax 2014

 

*fibromyalgia flare ups   http://www.livestrong.com/article/275082-signs-of-a-fibromyalgia-flare-up/

Doomsday

The idiot bird leaps out and drunken leans

 Atop the broken universal clock:

The hour is crowed in lunatic thirteens.

Out painted stages fall apart by scenes

While all the actors halt in mortal shock:

The idiot bird leaps out and drunken leans.

Streets crack through in havoc-split ravines

 As the doom-struck city crumbles block by block:

The hour is crowed in lunatic thirteens.

 Fractured glass flies down in smithereens;

Our lucky relics have been put in hock:

The idiot bird leaps out and drunken leans.

The monkey’s wrench has blasted all machines;

We never thought to hear the holy cock:

The hour is crowed in lunatic thirteens.

Too late to ask if end was worth the means,

Too late to calculate the toppling stock:

The idiot bird leaps out and drunken leans,

The hour is crowed in lunatic thirteens.

~Sylvia Plath

(Yes, so charmingly depressing for winter)

For more of Plath’s dark delights- click here

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sparky

 

Image Sources

NS Legislature Bldg/Blizzard   http://www.calgaryherald.com/Video+Blizzard+bears+down+Nova+Scotia/9346962/story.html

Halifax NS Street   http://www.travelue.com/winter-in-halifax-1/

 

Advertisements

About SparkyLeeGeek

I'm a cheesy broad with a good sense of humor. I'm also a self professed geek, dog lover, Whovian and music snob. I have earned money by painting, I've worked in call centers, with dogs and in the fitness industry. I also write for Bubblews http://www.bubblews.com/account/165359-sparkylee74 and I have 2 separate blogs on Blogger: "My Whovian Take" a blog dedicated to Doctor Who and "Life in Fog Goggles" a blog dedicated to daily life and living with Fibromyalgia and CFIDS. I will be featured in an upcoming Anthology for HorrorAddicts.net titled "The Horror Addict's Guide to Life" My interests range from Doctor Who, dogs, and Science Fiction to Zombies, Humor and Astronomy. Creativity is my passion.
This entry was posted in aging, CFS, Fibromyalgia, humor, Uncategorized, Winter and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to January Ramblings by a Mad Woman

  1. Can’t see anything wrong with a Tardis shaped coffee mug. Looking forward to spring and the new Dr Who myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s