This originally appeared on my blog at Bubblews http://www.bubblews.com/news/3257373-the-reluctant-writer
I’ve avoided writing the last few days. I felt like I had nothing of value to say. Do you ever feel like that? You avoid writing like the plague because you’re afraid of being met with a blank screen and a blinking cursor that mocks you as it ticks the seconds of your life away? I did have have a busy couple of days but let’s be honest, I’m even blow smoke up my own ass. Why do we make excuses? Let us just call a spade a spade: “I’m afraid of failing today.” The knowledge that if something unforeseeable were to happen to me today, the last thing people would remember me by would be this piece of crap I’m trying to pass off as a viable modestly written piece of nothingness to be shared without caution in to the vast blogosphere.
What is this tiny fragment of self doubt that looms over some of us? Is it because I was formula fed rather than breast fed? Because of a lack of security and a solid foundation of confidence growing up? Or is it just plainly my ego surfacing to make me want to represent myself as a strong, intelligent woman? Could it be my weaker alter ego reminding me that I am indeed, “not a unique snow flake”?
I sometimes feel like there’s 2 or 3 different people inside my brain all vying for control over my thoughts and actions. One keeps me down with thoughts of fear and self loathing, one tells me I’m far better than I truly am and one just wants to play with my dogs and forget writing all together.
Maybe it’s fear. Fear of spilling some dark deeply hidden truth about ourselves that we want no one to know. Like it’s possible that some outside entity will force us into revealing some clandestine notion to our peers that would instantly make people hate us. Is it simply this trepidation or possibility that we will indeed reveal too much of ourselves to the outside world.
Whatever the reason may be, I need to take power away from my fears and simply write what I want, however I feel that day, whether it be upbeat, positive and funny or downright depressing and scary.
Do you go through these periods too?
Live Humbly, Be Fearless, Live Genuinely,
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