Confidence: The White Whale…

ImageYou ever notice how some people just have confidence while others don’t? The prettiest women in the world probably lack confidence in some fashion or another. I’ve always had self esteem issues, since I was a kid. I was taunted by my classmates after plumping up in the fifth grade and even though I hit a growth spurt the following year and thinned out, they still called me fat. Playing baseball in gym class, it wasn’t uncommon to hear the boys yell things like, “put your weight in to it!” Or “No don’t run it to me! Keep going!” It was embarrassing and I never fully recovered from the taunting I received.

I was a cheerleader in high school and you’d think that would boost my esteem and it did, a little, but then I just found myself comparing myself to all the much prettier and better dressed cheerleaders in my squad and I never felt like I measured up. In junior high, I liked a boy who I overheard saying, “yeah, her body’s okay but the face has got to go.” Things like this always cut deeply in to my esteem and it wasn’t uncommon that I would go home after school and dance my tears away. I always danced and sang, this was my thing and it made me feel better about myself.

As an adult I spent the majority of my twenties overweight. Quite overweight. There were two instances where. I was “mooed” at by strangers. That hurts let me tell you. My confidence was so badly damaged by this time I wouldn’t even ask a sales person for help because I figured they wouldn’t want to help “the fat chick”. On the plus side, I developed a really good sense of humor and a strong personality to compensate for my weight. “She’s heavy but she has a great personality” should have been my tag line when dating. Finally when I turned 30, I took control of my weight and managed to lose. 130 pounds through diet and exercise. I became obsessed with working out which gave me tremendous confidence, confidence I had never had before.

Suddenly I found myself being looked at, whistled at, appearing on “Top 10” lists from the men I worked with (lol) and I was being asked out often. FINALLY! I found my confidence and from there, everything became a little easier. I no longer had the same silly fears about going out, I shopped constantly where even in the lingerie shops, sales people were tripping to get to me. What a difference!

It’s sad, I know so many beautiful, smart, funny and intelligent women who suffer from low self esteem mainly due to weight and how they perceive themselves. Now I was a large girl, 5 foot 8, 265 pounds, most of my friends are smaller than that, My weight rivaled heavy weight boxing champion Mike Tyson. I just wish people would pay MORE attention to who someone IS rather than their waistline. Why can’t we just accept people with all the flaws and all their loveliness? It’s sad that one has to go to such drastic measure in order too “feel” like they fit in with society.

ImageIn a world where plus size women are the majority, why do we put so much pressure on women to be perfect? Do you even know what it does to a woman? How much it hurts? I’ve been lucky enough to be able to walk in both pairs of shoes and sadly, people treat you differently when you’re thin, no matter how great of a person you are. I wish we could tear down these dangerous walls in society and just accept and love people for who they truly are.

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Be Kind,

Sparky

Images:

Confidence Cartoon  http://www.endeavorstoday.com/2011/04/confidence-build-up.html

Confident Woman   www.freedigitalphotos.net

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About SparkyLeeGeek

I'm a cheesy broad with a good sense of humor. I'm also a self professed geek, dog lover, Whovian and music snob. I have earned money by painting, I've worked in call centers, with dogs and in the fitness industry. I also write for Bubblews http://www.bubblews.com/account/165359-sparkylee74 and I have 2 separate blogs on Blogger: "My Whovian Take" a blog dedicated to Doctor Who and "Life in Fog Goggles" a blog dedicated to daily life and living with Fibromyalgia and CFIDS. I will be featured in an upcoming Anthology for HorrorAddicts.net titled "The Horror Addict's Guide to Life" My interests range from Doctor Who, dogs, and Science Fiction to Zombies, Humor and Astronomy. Creativity is my passion.
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