Things That Drive Me BatShit Crazy

crazy-woman

These are just everyday little things that happen, but when you have ME/CFS and constant pain it doesn’t take much to push you right over the edge of insanity. Sometimes the end result is simply a bunch of cursing and expletives, sometimes it makes you throw a mug against the wall whilst yelling “Fuck you Kelly Clarkson!” sometimes, you just curl in to a fetal position and cry wishing you just return to the womb and stay there.

These are just a few things that really grind my gears.

 

When you have to pee and the toilet paper rips mid wipe falling helplessly in to the toilet leaving you with pee on your hand and you’re left wandering around the bathroom in a panic much like Carrie did when she first got her period in the girls’ locker room.  DAMMIT!

Living in Eastern Canada means we have like 10 months of winter so boots are a necessity.  Why can’t they make socks that stay up when you pull your foot out of your boot?? I have 3 pairs of boot slip proof socks (don’t ANYONE touch them!) but the rest?  They just pull the fuck off when I remove my boot and I’m left doing some kind of one footed tribal dance to prevent my bare foot from touching the cold (and now wet from my boots) floor DAMMIT!

Touch screens.  We all have devices now with touch screens, but with ME/CFS you often have spasms.  I’m trying to click the article about the happy ending for that rescue dog but instead I keep clicking on the ad for penis enhancement.  Let me be clear, as a gay woman, I have no use for this.  I have no intentions of enlarging any penises of any kind.  Not for my guy friends, my brothers or my father for that matter, they are on their own.  But now my browser thinks I have an interest in penile implants and impotence drugs.  DAMMIT!

Water temperature can be infuriating as well.  I live in a 140 year old building with probably 140 year old plumbing; it’s not uncommon that the temperature will go from freezing cold to scalding hot in a heartbeat.  It’s like dancing the fucking hokey pokey in the shower some days, hopping back and forth, and side to side sticking your left foot out to turn the taps.  DAMMIT!

When your dog barks for no good reason.  Nothing makes you pee just a little bit when it’s deafening quiet when your dog just up and decides she’s going to have a conversation with herself and that guy walking down the street out the window.  I just spilled my tea all over myself.  DAMMIT!

I used to have a dishwasher, for years I had one.  Now I have to hand wash everything several times a day but fine whatever.  Here’s my beef with dishwashers; YOU HAVE TO RINSE YOUR DISHES prior to putting them in the dishwasher.  The last time I looked inside a dishwasher, there were no little hands with scrubbers attached to them.  Put that egg covered plate in the dishwasher and I swear I will crack that now cooked on egg plate over your damn head.  It takes two seconds to rinse a plate.  DAMMIT!

I hate sweeping the floor, but what I REALLY hate is that line of dirt/dust that just refuses to be collected.  “Nope, I’m just gonna move a little farther back, a little farther back, a little farther back” “GET IN THE DAMN DUSTBIN YOU SON OF A BITCH!”   DAMMIT!

Know it alls.  We all know at least one.  I have a debilitating illness; I’ve had it for over a decade now.  I have studied Nutrition and Wellness, Personal Training and Fitness Instruction.  I have literally dedicated the last 10 years of my life trying to find answers, trying different medications, reading study after study, seeing a plethora of doctors, trying a multitude of treatments and supplements; it’s safe to say it has basically consumed me. Yet, there’s always someone out there who thinks they have the answers to your problems.  Sure they don’t have the illness, never read a medical journal in their life and are overall healthy but they’re going to tell you their opinion just the same. This is the part where I grit my teeth, smile, say “I’ll look in to that” but secretly… I want to punch their face in to a jelly.  DAMMIT PEOPLE!

 

It’s important to note that I am not a rage filled witch bitch.  This is simply a humorous look at the things that drive me batshit crazy.  I rarely lose my temper these days, but I have my triggers, we all do  and I’d love to hear yours in the comments section.  What drive you crazy?

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sparky

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Purple Butterflies for Fibromyalgia

 

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Crazy Woman  https://mpasho.co.ke/kenyan-women-are-crazy-here-is-why-east-africans-do-not-want-to-date-kenyans/

 

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About SparkyLeeGeek

I'm a cheesy broad with a good sense of humor. I'm also a self professed geek, dog lover, Whovian and music snob. I have earned money by painting, I've worked in call centers, with dogs and in the fitness industry. I also write for Bubblews http://www.bubblews.com/account/165359-sparkylee74 and I have 2 separate blogs on Blogger: "My Whovian Take" a blog dedicated to Doctor Who and "Life in Fog Goggles" a blog dedicated to daily life and living with Fibromyalgia and CFIDS. I will be featured in an upcoming Anthology for HorrorAddicts.net titled "The Horror Addict's Guide to Life" My interests range from Doctor Who, dogs, and Science Fiction to Zombies, Humor and Astronomy. Creativity is my passion.
This entry was posted in CFS, Chronic Illness, Comedy, Fibromyalgia, Funny, humor, Musings, Women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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