For years I have written under the pseudonym of SparkyLee Anderson. I chose this initially because I figured it would be a short time affair writing pieces that no one would read so if it flopped no would be the wiser that I had failed as writer; my life long dream.
I have now been blogging for five years and have picked up more followers than I imagined I would so, in accordance with my “living my true self”- I have decided to come out (again) only this time I’m not coming out as a lesbian (which I am) but I’m coming out as Samantha (Sam) Clattenburg.
But who is this Sam Clattenburg ?
Well, she is reluctantly turning 42 next month but will probably still tell people I’m 37 because I use a lot of facial creams and with my OCD nightly regime I still think I can pull it off. If I can’t then please don’t tell me, let me live in my happy little bubble.
I am also crass. She swears A LOT. I try not to take the Lord’s name in vain as much as possible but instead I tend to curse a man named Jesus H. Rodriguez instead. I figure it’s safer; but, if there IS a man out there named Jesus H. Rodriguez with a lot of bad shit happening to him, I deeply apologize.
I was mainly raised by my auto mechanic father, and I have 3 younger stepbrothers so I was basically a Tom boy but I looked girly which played against my advantage for things like playing Army or dinkies and later on being picked for things like Dungeons and Dragons (something I still resent) thanks Ian and Aaron for excluding me from your sausage fest fantasy games while I wept quietly in to my pillow cursing my vagina and my non existent boobs. (Jk- I still love you guys) As a child I played a lot in my sandbox with my Tonka trucks, climbed trees and ate dirt. I also like Barbies a lot which was confusing.
I move around A LOT. I have lived in six provinces (or states if you’re American or some shit) although I never left the country, not because I don’t want to; I’m just poor lol. In 22 years I think I lived in a total of roughly 20 different places.
I am divorced. It was a mismatch relationship to the extreme. I like Doctor Who and she fancied sleeping with other women. I am now in a relationship with someone I love very deeply, I fancy her quite a bit and pretty much think she’s the cat’s pajamas. I even followed her to another province when she got a new job.
I am an animal lover, particularly dogs. If you tell me your name, chances are I’ll forget it- tell me your dog’s name and I’ll greet him/her by name every time we pass. I think it’s because I tend to like animals more than most people. Animals are honest, in the moment and just don’t give a shit. They don’t care what you look like in the mornings, if you’re sick or broke, Hell, they’ll even follow you to the can while you poop for God’s sake. Not that I want friends and family to watch me poop, in fact, I urge you not too as I have performance anxiety and I like to read in there so.. Don’t bother me.
I often eat food late at night while standing over the sink. I don’t give a shit really. If I’m hungry, I eat. The sink aspect is because I’m too lazy to sweep up crumbs of jam filled toast off the floor, plus I don’t want ants.
I’m allergic to everything. I’m one of those gluten/wheat free douchebags that people often complain about. I apologize in advance for taking too long to read ingredients.
I’m also very sarcastic, but dorky sarcastic. I can’t help myself but if you’re gonna say a line in front of me like, “I don’t know, I just couldn’t make it fit” it is my urge, no- my duty to retort “That’s what she said.”
I’m very socially awkward. This may be part of the reason I used a pseudonym for over five years. I plan to write more about these socially awkward stories in the future, under my real name therefore laying claim to some of the most embarrassing crap that could happen to a person. Yep I’m coming clean.
I’m planning to begin a new blog under a new domain name (TBA) and hope to get that up and running within the next month.
I’m essentially the same as SparkyLee only I’ll be writing for me, I’ll be more honest and I refuse to write fluff anymore for simple traffic on my blog. To date: the most successful article on SparkyLeeGeek’s blog is titled “The Magic of Giovanni Ribisi”. Seriously, whenever I check my stats, sure enough that article has been viewed. This is great and I appreciate the traffic but I don’t want to be known as the broad who is “obsessed with Giovanni Ribisi” to quote one reader. No Sir, I just happen to think he is a gifted actor and judging by the stats, so do a lot of others. In my fantasy, it’s ACTUALLY Giovanni Ribisi himself reading it daily to pump himself up for whatever actor role he is preparing for; or maybe he’s having an off day and needs my article to cheer him up. You’re welcome Giovanni. Please keep making films.
So essentially, I hope this transition is easy and seamless, (any tips or suggestions are welcome in the comments section) I also hope to maintain my supporters and followers but I am looking to grow and pick up a few more a long the way. I understand I may lose followers but to quote Ray from the “Trailer Park Boys”, “That’s the fuckin’ way she goes.”
Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,